I'll watch over you
by scarletchidori
Summary: But now, in Jamie's arms, she manages to convince herself that she could close her eyes without seeing that scene again and again, through the dense fog of her brain. A fog full of repentance (Post-s05e15)


_"___When your eyes are red__

_A_n__d emptiness is all you know__

__With the darkness fed__

__I will be your scarecrow."__

__(Bleeding out - Imagine Dragons)__

* * *

Being able to cry is a relief for her. She has kept so much inside that she can no longer stop the tears running down her cheeks.

Jamie hugs her more tightly, and Eddie closes her eyes in relief, while listening to Jamie's heartbeat.

"Do you want to eat something?"

Eddie hears his voice vibrate in his chest, perhaps because her ear is resting against it.

"I'm not hungry," she replies in a whisper.

"But you have to," he says, "Your body won't be able to go on much longer. You need to eat."

"Jamie, please," she begs. "I'm not hungry, okay?"

"Okay," he says, "I won't force you, but promise me that tomorrow you will have breakfast."

"I promise."

"Good."

When she feels a slight pressure on her head, she manages to delude herself that Jaime gave a kiss, in an attempt to make her understand that she is not alone.

She spent hours and hours trying to sleep, staring at the ceiling as she thought about what she did. When her heart stopped, when she realized she had killed someone for the first time. But now, in Jamie's arms, she manages to convince herself that she could close her eyes without seeing that scene again and again, through the dense fog of her brain.

A fog full of repentance. He was a bad guy, that's for sure. But he was also a person, flesh and blood, and she cannot forget this. It doesn't matter if Jamie told her that she felt guilty because she is 'a good guy', she feels guilty, nonetheless. How can she forget? She's sure that every cop feels guilty after they kill for the first time, and despite knowing that the person was 'bad', the guilt never truly goes away.

"Edit," Jamie whispers softly her name, it makes her feel even weaker than before, "I know it's hard, but you have to stop thinking about it."

"I can't," she murmurs, "I can't…"

"You can," he says, "Edit, listen to me, you need to rest because I can see you are exhausted."

"Stay with me, please," she begs him without looking at him.

"Of course, I will stay as long as you need me."

She sighs in relief before moving slightly away from him, absentmindedly taking his hand and holding it tightly, intertwining their fingers together.

"Promise me one thing," he says, laying his other hand on her face.

"What?"

"That you will overcome it," he says, "I know it's hard, but you are not alone, I am here… and I want to help you in any way possible, you can always count on me."

She already knows this. Jamie has always been kind to her. He has a heart of gold. It is strange for her to deal with someone who wears his heart on his sleeve. Whenever Jamie's feels something, it shows on his face and in his eyes.

"Now you need to sleep, okay?", Jamie says "Wear something comfortable and try to rest."

"And you," she asks worried "Are you comfortable enough?"

"Yes."

"You can go home and wear something more comfortable, if you want."

"Are you sure you can be alone for a while?", he asks pulling away the hand he placed on her face.

"Yes, I'm sure."

"I'll be back in a flash."

When she remains alone, she looks around without knowing what to do. Eddie decides that it's probably best to follow Jamie's advice and wear something comfortable. Then she sits on the sofa, turning on the TV without really looking at it, waiting for Jamie to return. She realizes that being alone with her thoughts, is even worse after having Jamie by her side for a while. After what seems like hours, she hears a knock on the door, she gets up and without even making sure that it is indeed Jamie, she opens the door.

"Sorry if it took me so long," he says, smiling at her.

"It's okay."

"Come on," he says taking her hand in his "Let's try to get some sleep."

Her room reflects her mood. She still feels empty inside and her room doesn't even seem to belong to her. Jamie helps her sit on the bed, maybe she's starting to feel tired.

"Now lie down," he says, "You need to relax."

Eddie does what she's been told, without looking away from him. Jamie, however, does not seem to realize it, too busy to cover her with a blanket he found on a chair.

As if he couldn't help it, Jamie caresses her cheek.

"Now sleep."

"Where are you going?", Eddie asks with her voice full of panic.

"I'm going to sleep on the sofa," he says as if it were obvious.

"No," she shouts, "No, please, no."

"Do you want me to sleep next to you?", he asks in amazement, pulling back the hand he had placed on her face.

"Yes."

He lies down beside her and Eddie and she moves slightly just to be able to stay close to him.

"Will you stay here until tomorrow morning?"

"Yes, if you want me to."

Eddie just nods.

"Okay."

As if he's feeling her sadness, Jamie hugs Eddie again, trying to console her as best he can. She closes her eyes sighting in relief, while Jamie's warmth radiates into her chest and heart. They are so close that she can feel him breathing against her, and slowly she closes her eyes.

"Sleep," he whispers, "I'm here next to you. You're not alone," he strokes her hair trying to calm her as much as he can.

When Eddie finally falls asleep, Jamie doesn't stop stroking her hair and watching over her. He doesn't sleep all night, but he doesn't care because Eddie sleeps without waking up or having a nightmare.

Finally, the sun rises, a new day begins for both.

"Jamie?", she whispers opening her eyes.

"I'm here," he says, "I'm always here."

She looks up at him, fatigue still very present on her face, but despite that she looks more relaxed.

"Thank you," she says giving him a kiss on the cheek, before lying down hugging him again.


End file.
